Sunset Love

The END of May rolled around and passed. It happened. It was bursting with all the things I love most in life. I was thankful and exhausted. My heart a little sore from so much exercise.

I slept – who knows how late – oh wait, I have an “app” on my phone. I can actually tell you. Hold on… ok, I found it. I slept 6 hours and 54 minutes after going to sleep at… wait a minute, I was talking about what time I got up – 11:12a.

So there you have it, I got up around 11a. I took my dog out, piled her into the car, obtained some coffee and knocked on Rachel’s door. I’ll just keep on moving, I’ll just never stop. I spent the day discussing plants and well, the recently vacated spot in our lives.

Friday May 25th. One day before Sarah’s birthday, 4 days after Kate’s birthday, 2 days after her departure, 1 day before getting on my bike for the first time this season, 2 months after I intended to put my tire back on aforementioned bike. The first night I was home, by myself, in well over a month.

The day I forgot to eat until dinner. The discovery that I had no food left. When I say that I had no food left, what I mean to say is that I had NO FOOD LEFT. No canned goods, no bread, no cheese, no eggs, no olive oil. WHO AM I? A 23 year old male?! (sorry 23 year old males)

NOT the kitchen stock of someone who LOVES to cook.

Admittedly, I had just returned from the grocery store when I made this discovery.

Perplexing? Yes. I returned only with cake ingredients.

Here’s what happened. It was around 7:30p. I drove down to Fred Meyer after telling myself that I didn’t NEED to see the sunset. I pulled into the parking lot and SMACK. I faced an enormous orange ball.

YOU do not NEED to see the sunset.

The snow capped Olympics etched along the horizon, the hues of orange and pink above, I felt a ball the size of the sun form in my stomach. A sadness settle into my expression and body, I felt deeply alone in the face of magnificence and enormity. I was heartbroken. The sunset was heartbreaking, MISSING the sunset was heartbreaking. The intensity of May visualized before me all at once.

A panic set in. I was in the Fred Meyer parking lot. Argh. The Fred Meyer parking lot. Gross out. Who has these intense emotional moments inspired by nature in an asphalt parking lot?!

I HAD to get cake ingredients. I COULD make it to Fremont Peak Park.

I ran into the store, an unshowered, dirt covered crazy lady, SMACK. Again. I immediately ran into an acquaintance.

“You have NO idea the sunset we are missing right now.” I scurried off for butter. I told myself that a calm mind would result in a more efficient shopping experience thus increasing the likelihood that I could catch the sunset.

The sun setting in the grocery store parking lot set me off.

Fastest self checkout you’ve ever seen. Emanating controlled anxious energy.

I pulled up to the park. It was scattered with people, couples, dogs. Dark silhouettes interspersed between trees against a backdrop of deep rich colors. I slowed myself down.

I took my place among them and stood alone.

Quietly people murmured as we each individually and together watched the sunset.

Sometimes sadness and solitude are deeply comforting.