Spinning, spinning, spinning out. Again.

This morning I dragged myself out of my bed, late again, for the third day in a row. Destined to be late, again. Acquired coffee and headed to Sea-Tac to retrieve a lifelong lake friend. Excited to see him, meet his partner and hoping the coffee would take effect in time to generate the excitement that our rare encounters deserve.

Typically, I head to the lake for a weekend and promptly find a dock with sunbathing occupants. My goal is to find out who is on the lake (the ever socialite). When I discover through the grapevine that by a stroke of luck that Andrew is also at the lake or hear his voice a couple docks over, I feel like it is an unexpected treat. Andrew lives in Alaska. Very, very, very far away.

Our annual adventures have become more like high school reunions, every five years.

So as I woke up, my brain muddled, recent life events seeping in… as my brain gains awareness and takes daily stock of my life (turn OFF!!!), I attempt to redirect… your friend is here.

I consider 99 vs I-5. I decide that I-5 will be faster simply based on the speed limit. The early Saturday morning conditions offer a clear shot. I curse Seattlites for driving the same speed in each and every lane allotted to them and imagine them coping with tailgating on the I-95 corridor.

The need to drive faster than usual wells up inside of me. I think of all my trips from DC to Philadelphia, I imagine the sections of highway, the calculations I made depending on known speed traps, unrepaired roads and areas of minimal congestion.

I can’t help but drive fast today. Really fast. I accelerate, feeling all the emotional energy in my body dissipate. And as I come close to hitting a speed that I have yet to drive in Seattle, I see a cop. Hit the breaks.

Defeated. But aware that I need something powerful to absorb what I have contained within. Running just doesn’t cut it sometimes. But neither do the unhealthy habits I have adopted as my crutch for the moment.

Where is the switch? Where is the self control I associate with myself? I had my finger on it for a brief moment this morning. Hopefully I’ll find it tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll wake up clear headed, my strength restored.