Cheap

I am going to come out of the closet and admit it. I love spending. My friends disagree, they tell me, “no, no you do not… you don’t spend money.”

Yeah, just like I am not shy. Of course I am shy. I am shy and I like to spend money damn it.

I might be addicted to spending (not exactly the same as shopping... I'll touch on the difference). If I weren't self-aware, I would pause to consider why this is but I know the answer. I don't have to dig deep or seek professional help to understand the root cause of this particular affliction. (admittedly, the part where I/others intervene might require a professional... I'm just sayin, I'm not known for my self-control, no seriously, I'm not. I don't care what you think. There’s evidence ALL over the place these days if… you look closely enough.)

The difference between shopping and spending. I don't enjoy shopping. I don't like crowds, small spaces, the scents associated with shopping. The plastic, the chemicals, newly manufactured possessions make me nauseous (both in actuality and in principle) until they begin to smell like my surroundings and become used. And there is something (very obviously) unpleasant about masses of people with one goal in mind, consume.

I am talking about spending. Spending feels productive to me. I have accomplished a goal, completed an errand if I have purchased something. Thinking about what I need to purchase (and purchasing) is also a time killer. What should I buy at the grocery store? What will I eat? What necessities am I missing? I must need something at Pharmacea (where I always spend too much money). I need lavender essential oil, I need more glucosamine. I need olive oil. I need bulbs for my garden. I need a fire pit. I need hair products and purchasing these items feels satisfying.

Oh and used books. I always need used books and a $5 shirt from goodwill.

So a couple weeks ago, in the wake of a used bookstore and goodwill spree (?!), I decided to stop spending. Cold turkey. Debt is as unbecoming as unnecessary spending.

What do I need versus what do I want?

Standing before my sink this afternoon, I realized it was full of bowls and spoons. It turns out when I turn my attention away from spending, I also lose interest in cooking. There’s no one to see that I subsist on cereal and ice cream! The snacking on olives and cottage cheese. The occasional tuna sandwich. The handful of chocolate covered pretzels.

And turning your attention away from eating, well, that also frees up time.

We’ll see how long this lasts… hopefully long enough to make buying plane tickets to Chicago, Pittsburgh, DC and LA a little less painful on the wallet.

In the meantime, I have some used books to read, some knitting to do with yarn already in my possession, among other FREE activities.